Friday, July 14, 2006

Things I've Learned in the Past Week

If the french bread is stale enough, attempting to slice it (or more accurately, saw it into toastable slices) will actually result in the breadknife's blade becoming painfully hot to the touch.

A vacation does not meet the legal definition of a vacation if a dog comes along.

It is impossible to drive into the nearest town and use the services of the local internet cafe effectively if you are wondering the whole time what the @(*#&!! dog is doing back at the cabin in your absence.

Black Cat makes small firecrackers called "Little Dynamite" that actually do burn and explode underwater, with a bright flash of light and a marvelously resonant FOOMP! sort of sound. If you toss one in the water after dark and it explodes, every bluegill for 50 yards around will immediately come racing to the scene of the disturbance, saying in bluegillspeak, "Wow! Cool! Light another one!" Do not listen to the fish, as they have no sense whatsoever.

It's amazing how much good and fresh creative work you can do if you give up television and the Internet for a week.

Northern Wisconsin apparently has had a string of mild winters recently, and as a result the whitetailed deer are not merely abundant, but a nuisance. There were many times I not only had to stop the car to avoid hitting them, I darn near had to push them out of the way so that I could continue driving.

A sufficiently inventive 11-year-old can spend an entire week performing Variations on Seville's Witch Doctor ("Oo, ee, oo ah-ah, ping, pang, walla-walla bing bang.") and never get tired of it. However, the child's parents may get a little tired of it...