Monday, December 18, 2006

This Week's Multi-Million Dollar Idea

Lucrezia and I have been kicking this one around off-blog for the past few days, and we've come to the conclusion that this whole writing literate fiction for intelligent adults business is for chumps; the real money is in doing comic books. Sadly, neither of us can draw worth a darn — I'd be ecstatic if I could draw like Neil McAllister, the guy who did Action Item, Professional Superhero!, and would even settle for being able to draw like Jhonen Vasquez — but on further thought, that's not important. The key here is not to be the person who actually draws the comic, or even to be the person who scripts it, but to be the person who controls the rights when Hollywood comes begging for more screen adaptation fodder.

Ergo, working on the assumption that there are plenty of talented scripters and artists out there that we can pay migrant-laborer wages to produce the actual comic, we got focused on the important aspect: designing the product. Let's see. Astronauts. Space station. Meteor shower. Searing wave of solar radiation...

Okay, that gives us Depression Girl, as Lucrezia so brilliantly described last week. But who else makes up the Fantastic Five? (Hmm, no, there'll be legal problems with that one. How about the Somnambulent Six? Nah. The Supercilious Seven? Never mind, we'll get back to that later.) So far we've got:

Tort Crusader — bravely suing evil into submission, wherever it can allegedly be found!

Minority Man — he has unquestionable moral superiority because he's a minority!

The Metrosexual — with the power of androgyny, it can battle evil all night long and still pick out a perfectly darling set of curtains the next morning!

Retro Man — the commander of the shuttle mission that gave them all their super powers, he's tough, strong, brave, resolute, and the one the others turn to when things get really sticky — but honestly, he's such an embarassing throwback to the 20th century!

The Temp — she can assume the powers of any of the other heroes, but only for eight hours, then she has to recover by spending the next two weeks on the living room couch, doing crossword puzzles and watching Oprah.

Okay, that's what we've got so far, and to be honest, we're kind of running dry. So, for a share in the film rights, who else is on our team of modern, sensitive, caring superheroes?

And villains. Yeah, we need supervillains aplenty; in fact, given that the worth of a hero is measured by the quality and quantity of the evil he or she opposes, we need lots of really good supervillains. So again, for a share in the film rights: what are your ideas?