Saturday, March 08, 2008

Script Treatment

Okay, we have another embarassment of riches this week and a lot of superb entries, so the judges are still out on the Friday Challenge. In the meantime, for your diversion, we present:


TO:    Gene Roddenberry
FROM:  Bruce Bethke
DATE:  12 October 1988
RE:    ST:TNG Script Treatment



Okay Gene, here's the outline. Returning from a mission dirtside, the Away Team discovers that a freak malfunction of the transporter contrast control has turned them all black. Piccard retires to the executive conference room (I understand we're contractually obligated to use the conference room set for at least five minutes in each show, right?), opens the executive safe, and reads the Enterprise warranty, only to discover that the transporter is covered by a carry-in service contract and the nearest XEROX service center is 200 light-years away.

Troi gets a "bad feeling" about this.

In the meantime, Wesley, bored out of his mind now that he no longer gets to save the ship each week, programs the holodeck to simulate the Enterprise. He enters the holodeck and goes down to the holographic holodeck, where he meets a holographic simulation of himself. Together, the two of them program the simulated holodeck to simulate the Enterprise, whereupon they enter the simulated simulation, go down to the holographic holograph of the holodeck, and meet Wesleys #3 and #4...

Troi feels "confused."

Ryker barricades himself in the lunchroom and demands that the Enterprise kitchens be reprogrammed to produce soul food, so that he can prove how macho he is by eating chitlins without gagging. Data desperately and unsuccessfully attempts to learn to break dance to Michael Jackson, there apparently being no developments in popular culture after the end of the 20th Century. Geordi, watching Data, laughs himself comatose. The ship's surgeon "has never seen anything like it before."

Troi feels "nauseous." (Not nauseated, nauseous. Look it up.)

Suddenly, the Enterprise is stricken by a massive power outage caused by Wesley's recursive adventures on the holodeck! The ship comes to a screaming stop in mid-space (obviously, Newton's Laws have been repealed by the 23rd Century), just as the Tholians, Malcots, and Gorns join forces with an ancient pre-warp-drive Romulan battle fleet that's still alive due to relativistic time dilation! Piccard, after being reminded by Worf that Romulans never take prisoners unless it's essential to the story line, realizes he must restore power to the phaser banks if he is to save the series. But Geordi is still unconscious, and the rest of the engineering officers have been spirited away by an assortment of omnipotent alien life entities! Decisively taking action, Piccard boldly calls an emergency meeting in the conference room, and the cast assertively discusses options right up until the commercial break.

Troi is feeling "not bad. How are you?"

At last Piccard realizes there is no alternative except direct action. Setting the transporter controls for both "duplicate" and "enlarge 125%" he beams a dozen Worfs onto the holodeck, with orders to kill all the Wesleys they can find. There follows a cheerful slaughter of Wesleys...


So whadaya think, Gene? We got a deal? Fax me your okay tonight and we can have a shooting script banged out by Wednesday. My best to Majel,